Why Say No?

I found my way to a strange blog post. This blogger said no to blogging. He is shutting down his blog (ironically, he has another blog that will continue). Apparently, his hyper-connectedness has disconnected him from people. Being connected to the information superhighway has turned friendships and relationships into blog posts and wall writing. He has chosen to begin saying no.

Saying no has become taboo in our society. And the most taboo of taboos is saying no to yourself. The singular goal of advertising is to get you to say yes to something you don't need or want. The most common tactic is to convince you that you deserve it.

Some traditions say no to almost everything. The Amish probably say no more frequently and purposefully than any other society. Sometimes they say yes and we cry hypocrisy. For example, some Amish communities allow telephones... in the barn. What's the point of having a telephone in the barn?

It's hard to understand for people who allow telephones to rule our lives. I marvel at those whose phones can take them away from anyone and anything without a thought or consideration to what is happening when the person in front of them is instantly discarded for the electronic devise in their pocket or on their counter. What does this communicate to the person in front of us? This is a question that must be considered for those who value human connectedness and relationships above all else. End sermon, back to the barn.

A phone is a tool. Tools are to be used by humans not the other way around. A phone in the barn gives a family the benefit of the tool without the tool interfering with family relationships. The barn is cold in the winter and smelly in the summer. It is not a place to spend hours on end chatting the night away. This protects the sacredness of the home as a place for family, hospitality and relationships that are real, honest and vital to spiritual growth. How can iron sharpen iron (religious speak for mentoring relationships) if they never come in contact? This is by no means a perfect solution but it is one that has been arrived at after careful consideration of what really matters (deep meaningful relationships) rather than simply picking up the latest and greatest thing and letting it use us to its full potential.

Many other traditions practice saying no on a regular basis. Today is the beginning of Lent. Christians throughout the world practice saying no during this season. For many it is a meaningless exercise that ends in a matter of days or hours. Often the Lenten fast consists of giving up sweets or some other food item. Usually, this too has little meaning. An exercise in self-denial has its benefits but self-denial for its own sake is, at best, silly. But self-denial for the benefit of building, protecting and deepening relationships is a priceless investment.

You don't have to be a Christian to learn from the lesson that the carpenter from Nazareth left for us. You don't have to be a Christian to let the Lenten season remind you that self-sacrifice for the benefit of others is the most noble of human endeavors.

What do we say no to? I would argue that the Amish are closer to having it right than the rest of us but you would think I am crazy and I am writing a blog so lets not go there... yet. Instead, consider the thing that takes you away from relationships the most and reduce or eliminate that thing. For me it is the news. I am a junkie when it comes to consuming news. This will be my second year giving up news for Lent and, I imagine, it will be my second year failing miserably. I will keep trying, renewing my resolve everyday to spend less time consuming news so I can spend more time building, protecting and deepening relationships with those who will be with me long after the president leaves office and the pundits retire and my little corner of Buffalo will be the better for it.